Our House

For the past few months, Hubby has been running himself ragged trying to secure a house that we fell in love with back in September. On December 15th, we were over the moon when they handed us the keys!!! It was such a surreal moment and we are so proud to announce that we are now HOMEOWNERS!

We are loving the extra room to run and space to make more noise! Our neighbors have brought us treats and welcomed us to the neighborhood. It is nice to feel like we are putting down roots. Granted we have been in this area for awhile, but now we have a home. And after moving all of our stuff, we are in NO hurry to do it again! We have room to grow in this home. It's a great feeling. 

Here are a few pictures of my favorite rooms in the house...

Our dining room! 

Drakey's room

We love our large, fenced-in backyard. 

And a laundry room! Upstairs!

Our nice big living room. Plenty of
space for Drake and his toys!

Here are some fun facts about our time that we lived in the apartment.

*Our apartment was Unit 3.

*Lili was 3 years old when we moved in.

*We celebrated 3 Thanksgiving Days while living there.

*Lili attended 3 different schools.
*We brought our 3rd baby home there.
*We have owned 3 cars during those two years.
*Cadee and Lili have been in 3 different grades.
*It took about 3 months from the time our offer was accepted on the house to when we got our keys!

Celebrating our first Christmas with Drakey in our first home made it a memorable year for our family. We will never forget it.

Lili Logic

Lili was running around pretending there were bad guys that she had to defeat...
"I will put this sparkly on him and he will get married and become a good guy!"

Old Enough to Know Better

I use this line all the time with my girls... "You are old enough to know better." Meaning, I have told you a thousand times over the past X years, you have heard it enough. I know you know not to do that! So why are you still doing it? 
You are old enough to know that we don't drink chocolate milk in the living room. 
That we don't talk above a whisper in the library.
That we don't hide things from mommy. Even if you think it's hilarious.
That we don't jump on the bed.
That we don't flick the light switch on and off a hundred times.
Basic things that I expect my girls to understand. They are old enough to know better.

I turned a page in my life this year... I'm now officially in my "late 20s". It's crazy to think about. My sister and I were just talking how we feel like we have blinked and now we are grown ups with grown up problems and grown up aches and pains. It's insane how we want so badly to be adults and do what we want to do when we are little, but then when it actually happens, we regret wanting that. I love my life, but it has gone by so fast. Especially with my kids.
I used to be able to get away with little things. Traffic violations, forgetting to put stuff away, not cleaning the fridge out each week, forgetting to spray for spiders, drying Hubby's shirts. All it took was "I'm sorry, I didn't know." That used to work. It used to get me off the hook. Now, I am old enough to know better.

I guess the kids can jump on the bed one more time. And be very careful with their milk in the living room. And laugh and play whenever they get the chance. Because, someday, too soon, they WILL be old enough to know better. And then they will be wishing they were little again.

My Cadee Grace

My Cadee Grace is tall for her age. She is healthy. She has more adult teeth than any other second grader I know. Her beautiful bright blue eyes change color with her mood. Light, bright blue means she is happier then when they are darker blue. My Cadee Grace is the definition of sunshine. She can light up a room with her giggles and smiles. Cadee is the girl on the playground that everyone knows, and not only knows, but genuinely likes. She is a great big sister. She loves and protects Drake and Liliana. And will do almost anything to see them smile. She is the fun one. The protector. The sweet one. The helpful one. The defender. The confident one. The motherly one. If there is a problem, she finds a solution. (Unless it's with her sister.) If someone is hurt, she fetches them a bandaid. If someone is upset, she makes them laugh or gives them a hug. She is everything sweet. Not only does her personality define her, but also her knowledge. She is logical, bright and inquisitive. She understands things and when she doesn't, she asks questions until she does. And then some. A friend described her to me as a strong girl, whom she was very impressed with how kind and respectful she is.
My hope for my Cadee Grace is that she would always be on the lookout for her next adventure! I knew from the day that she was born that this little one would keep me moving forward. Not looking back at what I could have done differently. She keeps me on my toes with her questions and comebacks. She keeps me smiling with her infectious giggle. She keeps my heart full with her desire to make me feel loved and wanted. She is our first daughter, our pride and joy, and our forever sunshine. 
Here's to you, my little peanut. Happy 8th birthday. 


I love you more than there are stars in the sky.
I love you more than the ocean is wide.
I love you right down to the depths of my soul.
I love you much more than you'll ever know.  

Random Rachel

Here are some random facts about me! 

I have a love-hate relationship with orange juice. My mouth doesn't tolerate it's acidity very well (I get a few canker sores). But I do appreciate a glass once in awhile, with ice cubes in it.

Most of the time, you will find me barefoot at home. I don't care for socks unless I'm sick.

I love Chick-Fil-A. It's my favorite.

You can usually find me with a blanket on my lap if I'm sitting down. Not for warmth, just comfort.

One of my hips is lower than the other. It gets real painful when the weather changes. 

I have been spoiled with a master bath and closet for all of my married life. I'm not sure I'll ever live without those again.

My Mom

With all of the chaos going on in my life right now, I forgot to honor my mom on her birthday, November 11. 

My mom is my number one fan, best friend and greatest encourager. She continuously rescues me. With her phone calls, texts, visits or taking the girls for the weekend. She has supported me through everything in my life. She is the definition of unconditional love. Nothing I have ever said or done has turned her away from me. 
Without my mom, I would not know how to be a mommy. I mean, I would suffer through it and learn along the way, but without watching her and asking her questions, I would not be the mommy I am today.
Here are some fun facts about my mom!
~ She has 2 brothers and 1 sister. 

~ She fought and won the battle against breast cancer!

~ Her favorite color is yellow.

~ Her favorite food is chocolate.

~ If you ask her where she wants to go eat or what she wants to do, she will almost ALWAYS answer, "I don't care. Whatever you want to do."

~ She has been a stay at home mom/nana for most of her married life!

~ She has given each of us a nickname that has stuck with us. (Pumpkin- Sarah, Peanut- Me, Sunshine- Cadee, Birdy- Lili and Monkey- Drakey)

~ She is a warm hug, a listening ear, a safe place.

I am so proud to call her mom and to know that I will always have a home in her heart. 

Trust

I love my children, in case you couldn't tell. But, they can also drive me crazy! It is a battle most days to get them to do the things I ask. 
Without having to ask them more than twice. 
Without them asking "why". 
Without a grumpy attitude. 
Without telling them- if you don't, there will be a punishment.
I really would love to have just one day where every time I ask something of them, they simply answer "ok, Mom!" and go do it, with a cheerful heart. Is that too much to ask?!

I look at my children now, and I don't know their future. I know the consequences for their attitudes with me, or their disobedience to me, for their actions *right now*. But I don't know what the next few years of their lives will bring. We are just doing the best we can at parenting them now and preparing them for whatever their futures bring. I know I don't have all of the answers, but I am expecting them to trust Hubby and me. To trust that we are raising them to be respectful, kind, caring people. To trust that when I ask them to clean their room, it's not just because I like being able to walk into their room without losing a toe, but also because cleanliness is a good discipline to have. I hope that one day, we can look back to these years and see the fruits of our labor. That our children are happy, successful, wise, pleasant, God-loving people. And that we did a good job with them.
As uncertain as I am about the future, I do know that God knows what is going to happen. It's hard for my children to do what I say without complaint. And I second guess myself all the time. God doesn't. He is certain about our future. We need to trust in Him. He's got this! He never second guesses Himself. He knows the best route to get us from where we are to where we need to be. We need to do as He says. With a cheerful attitude, without question, and without stalling- like we would want our children to do. He only has our best interests at heart. Look at all of the sweetness He has already given me! Oh how much sweeter my life could be if I just trusted Him more!

Exciting Day!

Today is my first post at Des Moines Moms Blog!!! This is so exciting for me and nerve racking too. My first "professional" post! Check it out! I'm pretty proud of this. 

Lili Logic

Lili was repeating everything Nana and I were saying. 
Nana said, "Lili stinks." 
Lili pauses... "Nana stinks!"
Nana and I laughed and said- "Ohhh! You didn't say it!"
After awhile, Lili goes- "aww.... Lili stinks."

God is Able

During worship today, we sang a song that said "God is able". We have sang this song before. Many times. Each time we sing it, I have to chuckle a little. What a small word for such a big God. "Able". Well, my 5 year old is able to wash herself in the tub. My baby is able to roll over. I am able to drive to the store. What a plain word to describe our God.
Why wouldn't we sing about how sovereign, holy, awesome, just, amazing, majestic, mighty...our God is? Really. "Able" is the best we can do?? (Yes, these are feeble, human words that we are trying to use to describe our Lord. So, already, they fall short. That's a different point..) Then, it hits me. I am intimidated by a *majestic* God. I feel small in front of the Creator of the universe. I am not worthy of even a second of His time. That is why we sing about God being able. So that we feel confident in bringing our fears, worries, needs and wants to Him. He is able to take our worries about something as small as Drake's snotty nose. He is able to fix Hubby's back problems. He is able to help my girls make friends at school. He is able to make me a better mother and wife. He is able to mend my broken relationships. He is able. More than able. 

"Lifted up, He defeated the grave.
Raised to life, our God is able.
In His name, we overcome.
For the Lord our God is able."

I needed to hear this song today. To remind me that yes, our God is ALL of those words. And He is able to do more than I could ask or imagine. 
We cannot do this on our own. We cannot conquer anything on our own. Our God DEFEATED THE GRAVE!!! It is in His name, and His name alone that we overcome.
Thank you, Lord, for being able. 

Trick or Treat!

Our kiddos got all dressed (and bundled) up for trick or treating this week! We had fun walking through the neighborhood and listening to the girls tell their jokes in exchange for candy. 

Would you give treats to these goons? :) 

Cadee, the pirate!

Lili, the candy corn witch

Da-na-na-na-na-na-na-na- BATMAN!!
After we were on our way, we were really wishing we would have decorated Drake's stroller to look like the Batmobile! 

Bubs

Hubby and the girls were gone all last weekend. Drakey and I got to hang out and relax, on our own schedule. While I did miss my whole family being together, it was quite a treat to not have to worry about feeding 3 other people, being too loud, entertaining the girls and sharing the bed. 

We snuggled... ALOT!

I also got to hang out with
some of my besties.

When they got back, I could tell that Bubs really missed them all. He has spent time reconnecting with each of them this week. Here are some adorable pictures I took to capture the moment!

(A little over-exposed..)
The three of them- back
together at last! 

Seeing his sisters run at him
after getting off the bus

Blowing raspberries and giggling at Daddy.
Love those chunky little leggies!

This picture perfectly captures the cuteness of their relationship: Lili- completely infatuated, smitten and in love with this little guy. Drake- smiles everytime she's near.

Drakey and I are happy to have Daddy and the sisters home. We missed their silliness and lovies.

Trip to the Dentist

On Halloween, I had to do the scariest thing ever. Go to the dentist! 

I used to dread going to the dentist. I was always chastised about not brushing often enough, or not flossing everyday. I'm sorry, but there are days that I can't find time to shower or eat, let alone floss my teeth! Lately, I rarely have both of my hands available at the same time. How's a woman supposed to floss her teeth?
Ever since we moved and found this dentist, I don't dread going for my check-up as much as I used to. She is great at her job and very nonchalant about procedures. It helps keep the girls' nerves under control, when they go. And it helps when I have to have something done too. 

Here are a few thoughts after going to the dentist...

Being a dental hygienist must be a great job, for an OCD person. You get to thoroughly clean someone's mouth, without having to worry about making small talk. And you get paid big bucks to do this. Also, if you want to, you can talk about anything you want. What's the patient going to say? "Uh huh ahh huh uh oh ha...." My lady decided to talk about politics. (Not my thing, and a sore spot in our family right now.) Honestly, my responses reminded me of what I hear when people start talking about politics. 

My 5 month old is AMAZING! He sat through my one hour cleaning like a champ! He played with moose, blew raspberries with his mouth, and cooed and smiled at anyone that gave him 3 seconds to say "Hey there, buddy! Ohhh look at his dimples! And that hair!" 

Laying back in the chair with your mouth opened as far as it can be and someone's fingers taking up all of the space in your mouth, you have time to think. About anything, really. You can't talk, you can't move, you can't do anything else but lay there. And think. What did I think about for an hour? I prayed. Mostly that it would be over soon. But, I also went through alot of people and prayed for them. It was great. I left there feeling so good about the hour I spent with God. 

Lastly, I learned, the best thing you can hear from the receptionist as she settles the bill at the end is- "Can we schedule your next check-up in 6 months?" Instead, I got, "You have 2 cavities and lucky for you, I had a cancellation tomorrow." Great....how did you know I love the dentist.....  

Des Moines Moms Blog

Today is a big day in my blogger world. Des Moines Moms Blog launches!!! This blog is an opportunity for all moms in the area to have a place to go for advice, something funny to read, something new to try, to meet new moms or new businesses in the area to check out. For me personally, this blog is a chance to write more, make some friends and get involved! I am grateful for this opportunity and I am beyond excited for what this will mean for me.
So stop over and celebrate LAUNCH DAY for DMMB!!!!!!! YAHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Go check it out! There will be tons of giveaways in the next few weeks and plenty to check out on the blog. If you live in the Des Moines area (Ames included, friends!), please check it out! And get involved! Meet the contributors, the co-founders and all of the other moms looking for an opportunity to get out there and do things with (and without- Moms' Night out) their kiddos! 

Lili Logic

Lili had a 101.5 temp one day and fell asleep in her bed at 7 pm. I walked in to check on her and found her curled up under her blanket, talking in her sleep. "Well, I didn't know, you silly willy nilly!"

Picture Time

Three most recent pictures of your kids! Ready...annnnd.... GO!

This is how Cadee Grace enjoys her fro-yo. Plopped on the couch....at Orange Leaf. Chillin like a villain.

Lili girl taking a break from her treat to throw up her dueces and pose for me.

Drake and I had a play date today with Des Moines Moms Blog. It was more for me than it was for him. But, we had fun! And he looks so darn cute in his little hat.

Drakers

Our little prince is 5 months old today. 5 months of growing, learning, cooing, snuggling and stealing our hearts. He is such a precious little guy and we all adore him. So much has changed in 5 months! Our little man is...

Obsessed with hands, sucking his fingers, jumping in his jumper, rolling over and reading books.

He is his sisters' number one fan, mama's little cuddle bug, the happiest in the morning and daddy's little buddy.

We love our little brubber. We love seeing his personality shine through as he grows and learns about his world. Seeing the wonder in his eyes and hearing the roar of his belly laugh makes all of us grin. Happy 5 month birthday, handsome boy! You are so very loved.

Random Rachel

.....That moment when you hear your daughter use the same tone of voice as you do with Baby Brother. 

.....That look on your big girl's face that you've seen on your own.

.....The dance moves that your daughter owns that you've seen your husband do.

.....The yoga pant obsession.

.....The endless song parodies about our lives, sung by the big girls, learned from Daddy.

.....The body language. Sarcasm. Attitude.

These are the things that make me watch EVERYTHING I do, and make sure that I am on my best behavior. I have little copycats in this house. If I am not at my best, they have nothing positive to follow. I am thankful for these little babes that make me a better version of myself.
Thank you, Lord, for blessing me with 3 little angels that watch my every. single. move.

Lili Logic

Lili to Daddy- "You thinkin what I'm thinkin?"
Daddy- "Well, I don't know. What are you thinkin?"
Lili- "Roast beef!"

Sares

Today marks the 28th year my sister has been on this earth. 28 years of learning, charming, laughing, hugging, dreaming. 
26 of those years she has spent being the best big sister in the world. I'm not just saying that. 26 years of teaching, protecting, guiding, loving, tickling, surprising. She has always been my closest ally, my comforter and my best friend. I am blessed to have a sister like Sares. 
10 of those years, she has been an aunt. She loves her nieces and nephews to the moon and back. She relishes every picture, every video, every hug, kiss and zerbert. She lives to hear those giggles. (She drove 3+ hours on her birthday just to hear her nephew giggle!) My children are blessed to have an aunt so in love with them. 

Sares has always been the one in our family with a phenomenal memory. She can remember the last movie I saw in theaters (even if she wasn't there), the first trip we all took together (moment by moment) and probably even her actual birth day. She is that good. Sometimes there's an older movie that I tell her I want to see, and she'll tell me I've already seen it. "Oh yeah, we watched that when it came out. You liked it."
My mom, Sares and I have tattoos. Mom has "Live", I have "Love" and Sares has "Laugh". Sares is the laughter in our family. Whether she's the butt of the joke or the sarcasm queen, she always has us rolling in laughter. If I ever need someone to brighten my day, I know who to call.
My sister is a perfectionist. This is not *always* a bad thing. She knows what she wants when it comes to meals, creating things and entertainment. She is always in the kitchen, behind the cook, adding things to make the meal better. Going over and over the things she makes to make sure they are perfect. I send her my blog entries to proofread. I trust every book and movie review she gives me. I appreciate this quality in my sister. It means that everything I do is near perfect too. I want it to be up to her standards. I value her opinion.

We love our Sares. And we love this day that we get to celebrate her. I hope she knows how loved she is and I hope we can show her just a little bit of how much we cherish her.
We adore you, Sares, and we are so blessed to celebrate this day that you came into the world. 

Happy birthday, sweet sister.

What DO You Do All Day?

Cadee was "Camper of the Week" this week. Which means she gets to share things about herself, she took an estimation jar to school (she chose cotton balls to stuff into hers and all of her classmates have to estimate how many are in there. At the end of the week, they will see who was the closest), she will read her favorite book to the class, share a letter written to her by a loved one, and bring treats on Friday! Today, I brought her Chick Fil A for lunch and got to sit down with her and two of her friends. Cadee picks good friends. Sweet, kind, respectful friends. Boy, girls, doesn't matter to her. She picks them based on their sense of humor and if they are nice, not naughty.
As we were sitting there having lunch, her friend, M, was chatting with me, Cadee and Drake. M looks at me and says- so what DO you do all day?
I was totally caught off guard! I felt a little defensive. But then I realized, it's just a 7 year old girl wondering what I do with my day since I don't work. See, her parents are divorced and both work outside the home. As I was thinking through my response, I felt a little bit of heartache for M. I wish she could know the routine and comfort of a stay at home mom, and of a family that is still together. I know that her parents do a great job at making her feel loved. I can tell. I also know that I grew up with a stay at home mom. And it was awesome. I didn't have a CLUE what she did while my sister and I were at school all day long. I figured she napped, did puzzles, watched TV, chatted with her friends...(boy, was I wrong!) I really didn't care! All I knew was that if I needed her at a school event, she was there. If I felt sick and the nurse had to call her, she was always there. If there was an early out, I didn't have to worry about where I would go. My mom was waiting for me at home. I know today that it is rare to have a stay at home mom. And I respect that not every family can make it work. I thank God everyday for letting me have my dream job!
To answer M's question, I smiled at her and said, "Well, it's pretty awesome. I get to hang out with Drake all day and come help at school." She grinned.
It has been 6 years since I have officially become a stay at home mom. I STILL struggle with validation. That I'm doing the right thing, that it's ok that I'm not bringing in any money, that I balance housework and my children well. I know, without a doubt, that this is where I'm supposed to be. (Plopped on the couch, blogging about my life...well, ok, not literally.) I love my life. I love that I can be the one to pick up my son when he cries or when he wakes up. I love that I change nearly every diaper. I love that when my children forget their backpacks after National Walk to School day, I can take them to them at school. I love that I can bring my big girl a special lunch and sit and chat with her and her friends. I love being there when Lili comes charging at me for the biggest hug of my life after school. I love being able to get things around the house done during the day so that I can soak up every second with my family at night. I have the sweetest life.

A Look at Our Weekend

This post is 2 weeks overdue. The girls were flower girls in a wedding 2 weekends ago. Not only is this a special thing as a little girl- to get all fancied up and be the center of attention for 2 minutes of walking down the aisle, and pretty much all night. But I think it was extra special for my girls, because they got to do it together. They did such a great job! We took plenty of pictures and some video to capture the night! The bride and groom were so good with the girls and welcomed any and all of their "feedback". You'll see what I mean in a bit...

The day went so well! And at the reception, Lili requested Baby by Justin Bieber. Not only did the DJ play it, but he also said this was a song from the flower girl, dedicated to the bride (who also has Bieber fever). And to top it all off, he came over in the middle of the song and put the mic to her and she belted it out for all to hear! It had to be in her top 3 moments of her day....week...LIFE! 

It started Friday night with some prep! Memaw (Hubby's mom) took us for some manis and pedis. (I guess the mom of the flower girls gets pampered a bit too!)

  

Saturday, the girls had hair appointments at noon. They did such a great job sitting still while the ladies worked on their thick, luscious locks! 

Then, it was off to the church to get dressed for the big day! These fluffy dresses were so pretty and my girls loved feeling like princesses in them!  

The girls with the Bride

When Lili wasn't in a picture, she was
sitting in the front row, helping
direct everyone else and giving
the photographer ideas. That's
my Lili.

Touching up the lip gloss

My little handsome man in his suit!

We were so fancy!
This was the only picture we got, and daddy
wasn't in it. We planned on taking a picture
all together at the reception, but Drake
had a blow out!

Drake in his suit!

We had a fun weekend. We were all dragging our booties last week. But it was well worth it to see my little girls have their day in the spotlight. (At least in their minds, they did.) Best wishes to the Bride and Groom! Thank you for letting us be part of your special day! 

Drakey Boy

I just have so many adorable pictures of this sweet little boy. I had to share.

Looking cute in his little
red long johns!

Getting sleepy in his
jumper

I love these dimples!

So concerned.
Love those big blue eyes!

Just chillaxin.

Coolest Idea in the World

I am all about being sentimental. I love scrap books, family heirlooms and anything that makes a memory. I would absolutely love to be an awesome mom and have a big ol' scrapbook for each of my kids with memories from each day of their life. "This was your first trip to the zoo." "Introducing: Your baby sister/brother!" "You and your best friend at the football game." "You made it on the dance team!" "Graduation day!". However, let's be real. I do not have A- the time to devote to scrapbooking. I am not the most creative person, so it takes me awhile to create a page or two. And B- I don't have the space to work on a scrapbook without someone begging to help me (COUGH-Lili). And I certainly don't need another mess that needs to be cleaned up by me. 
I love this idea that a friend heard about and passed on to me. I started an email address for all of my children. And every so often, I will send them an email about what is going on in our lives. I am a fast typer. So this seemed like a no-brainer! It's a great way to tuck away those memories and to do it quickly, so I can get back to making more memories with them. One day, when they are grown and can appreciate this time capsule of memories, I will tell them about it, and give them the password so they can read each and every one. 
I hope it makes their life sweeter.

Random Rachel

Big things going down for our family recently! Including me being a part of Des Moines Moms Blog! I am excited for this new adventure in the blog world and the friendships that will form from this. Check us out! We launch October 29th! 
I can't wait to share more of what is going on with us at the perfect time.
Until then... Here's some Random Rachel. 

Target diapers do not work with my son. Good thing I bought a small package! He has had at least 7 blow outs and 4 leaks. 

Cadee has been sick for the past 2 days. I can tell she's feeling better by the hopping around and complaining of boredom. 

I am slightly obsessed with making smoothies lately. Delish! 

We broke out the space heaters the other night for the kids' rooms. LOVE this cooler weather! 

3 smells I love... Grilling, rain and babies. 

Drake is growing, growing, growing! He's in size 6 month clothes...and he is 4 months old. Healthy baby! And, he got this fancy shmancy new jumper! He's not too sure about it yet, but he sure does look cute hanging out in it! 

Lili Logic

Lili had been fighting a cough for awhile. I made a comment about her having a froggy in her throat.
To which she responded, "If it was a froggy, I'd be going 'Ribbit, ribbit!'"

Drake's Birth Story

May 22, 2012  10:13 a.m. (8 days from due date)
Just got done at the doctor for a regular check up. No change to report in my cervix. Have been having contractions all month. Nothing painful or consistent. Baby Boy is healthy. I'm feeling ok. Sore and ready to have this little baby. But definitely feel like 1 more week is manageable. Next week's appt is scheduled. The doctor says we will discuss an induction at that time. I really don't want to be induced. I call Hubby and tell him the news. I can sense a little disappointment in his voice, as I'm sure he senses it in mine as well. I pick up the girls from my friend's house and I am quite discouraged and emotional. She can tell I didn't get the news I wanted from the doctor. ("You're dilated to a 5! And..OH! You're water just broke! We need to get you to the hospital right away!" Ok, maybe not quite that extreme, but any change would have been nice!!) I head home with the girls, looking forward to a restful afternoon. 

May 22, 2012 2 p.m.
I start having contractions 8 minutes apart. Not too painful, but enough that I can definitely feel them. I get some water and get comfy on the couch. Thinking they will go away...

1 hour later...
Still contracting. Quite consistently. I start pacing the house. Is today the day? Should I call someone? Do I dare get my hopes up? I don't want any false alarms. What are you doing in there, little guy? I'm texting my nurse friend like CRAZY. She is probably thoroughly annoyed, but answers each question with love and grace. 

May 22, 2012 5:30 p.m.
Contractions are 5 minutes apart and getting stronger. They are bearable, but definitely make me stop what I am doing to breathe through them. I continue with dinner anyways. Pregnant lady's gotta eat!

May 22, 2012 8 p.m.
Contractions are coming every 2-3 minutes! My phone is about dead from me using the timer and texting all afternoon and evening. Not necessarily painful contractions but so very intense. They make me sweat. Hubby barely believes me. I decide to call it. We call our dear friends to come watch the girls, and then we are off to the hospital!

May 22, 2012 9 p.m.
We are at the hospital getting checked out. They won't officially admit us until we know for sure we are in active labor. They lead me to a room, give me a gown and hook me up to all the monitors. Nurse checks. Still only dilated to a 3. Another nurse comes in frantically asking if our nurse needs help. She says they've been watching the monitor at the nurses' station and my contractions seem really steady and strong! Our nurse says there is surprisingly nothing happening yet. (Nothing happening, my butt!)

May 22, 2012 10 p.m.
My contractions are coming every 2 minutes and are SO uncomfortable! My cervix is still not changing. The nurse helps me out of bed and tells us to walk the halls and she will come check me again in an hour. Still contracting regularly. Still wondering if tonight is his birth day. 

May 22, 2012 11 p.m. 

We meet the nurse back at our room. She checks. Nada. Zip. No change. I could just cry at this point. In fact, I think I am. Our nurse says- I don't know what to tell you. The definition of labor is cervical change. And your cervix has not changed in 2 hours. But if I send you home, I don't know how to tell you when it's real. Because you are contracting rather intensely every 2-3 minutes. Nurse leaves to discuss with our OB. I'm feeling so bad that I fell for another false alarm. (I did with Lili too.) Hubby just got our bags and now we have to turn around and go back home. 

May 22, 2012 11:30 p.m.

Then, it happens! I feel water. (Yuck but yay!) I call the nurse. She looks and says- Good news! You're not going home! She immediately hooks me up to fluids and penicillin for the Group B strep. I need to get 3 doses in before he is born, and they need to be spaced out a few hours.
Hooray!!! Ohhh...ouch ouch ouch.... Hooray!

May 23, 2012 12 a.m. (7 days from due date)

3-4 cm dilated. I think I'm handling contractions rather well. Maybe I could go all natural with this baby.... Nah! WHO AM I KIDDING?! I didn't prepare myself for that! Give me the epidural, stat!

May 23 2012 12:30 a.m.
Contractions are so painful and intense. I could never adequately describe a contraction to someone that hasn't felt them. My sister shows up and I try to tell her. Period cramps- times a million. She cringes and rubs my arm and gets a cool cloth for my head while I breathe and move my hips back and forth through another contraction. These are 1 1/2-2 minutes apart. And they aren't messing around anymore! The anesthesiologist gets the epidural in after a half hour of painful sitting up and sitting still through at least 16 contractions. Longest 1/2 hour of my life. (In her defense, she did an awesome job of not hitting whatever the last guy hit to give me a spinal headache after I had Liliana. Not fun. I'd take that 1/2 hour of overwhelming pain over the 10 day recovery from the headache any day!) Dilated: 5-6 cm. 

May 23, 2012 1 a.m.
I am still feeling contractions. And they hurt. The anesthesiologist explains (through my fog of immense pain) that I have a "hot spot" in my low abdomen. Right where the contraction settles for the longest amount of time. She tries to fix it by pushing more epidural. They strongly suggest that I stay on my back so that the epidural can properly spread. Number 1 rule (maybe not number 1, but pretty important) you don't lay on your back when you are pregnant. You get light headed and pass out. I came very close to passing out a couple of times. Between the baby laying on my spine and the terrible pain from the contractions that were coming every 1.5 minutes, I was struggling. And Hubby could tell. It was hard for him to watch me in that much pain and feel so helpless. Somewhere during this next hour, they push another thing of epidural.

May 23, 2012 1:45 a.m.

Epidural kicks in! HALLELUJAH! 6-7 cm. Just relaxing now and trying not to pass out from laying on my back.

May 23, 2012 2:15 a.m.

I'm at a 10! You're almost here, baby boy! (Knowing it went so quickly, maybe I could've handled this without the drugs. We will never know!!)

May 23, 2012 2:30 a.m.
A kiss and an exit from my sister and it's time to start pushing. 3 contractions later and we have a handsome baby boy screaming at us. What a sweet sound to this mama's ears! They have to rush him away so the NICU can look him over. I guess my other water bag burst and there was some meconium in it. They need to make sure it didn't get in his lungs. Also, my nurse only had time to push 1 bag of penicillin. So between that and possibly breathing in his own poo, we are worried about our little guy. He comes out, and the doctor suctions his mouth right away and as the NICU nurse took him to the warmer, we heard the sound we were all waiting for. That tiny little baby cry. And we hear it for the next 4 minutes straight! Thank you, Lord. They put a tiny little oxygen mask on his face. It's pretty cute. Probably just because it's on his face. I don't get to hold him just yet. But I'm ok knowing he is ok.

Baby Boy is born at 2:45 a.m. Tipping the scales at 8 pounds, 9 ounces and stretching 20 inches long. He has a ton of hair and is oh so handsome! 

May 23, 2012 5:30 a.m.

After several failed attempts at getting some sleep, Hubby and I are anxiously waiting to see our little boy. We are exhausted, but want to see our baby! 

May 23, 2012 6 a.m.
The nurse begins to help me get cleaned up to go to my recovery room on the floor below. Because they pushed 2 extra things of epidural, I cannot feel myself from the hips down. At. All. It is the strangest feeling in the world. It takes awhile to get me in a wheel chair. (This feeling continues until 10 a.m.!)

May 23, 2012 6:30 a.m.
I am in my recovery room. And it's time for me to finally hold my son. I have been waiting for this moment for so long. I hear the cradle being rolled in. There he is. Perfect. Absolutely perfect. And look at all that hair! What a handsome little boy. And he's mine. Mine and Hubby's. What an amazing feeling to hold this precious little being that I helped create and carried inside of me for so long. What a gift. Empty body. Overflowing heart. Complete bliss.

May 23, 2012
Hubby and I barely function on 2 hours of sleep and pure adrenaline! Taking in every bit of our new family. Hubby goes home to shower and bring the girls. Cadee walks in first and just beams at the sight of her brother. She climbs up on the bed with us and asks to hold him. Lili comes in a little bit slowly and I will never forget the look of relief on her face when she sees that I am fine. And that there is a new baby in our family. The rest of the day is a joy overload. We all silently take in his tiny little features. Pictures, kisses and hugs. 

Smitten. We are all absolutely smitten.  

Find Joy

My family and I have been hit by alot of loss lately. 
It is never easy to process it or to figure out how to live after you've lost a loved one. How to deal with knowing you'll never see that person again in this life. To cope with everything reminding you of them. To stay strong for those around you, but also to go through your own emotions. It's a struggle. 
All we can do is continue to find joy in life. Without hope and joy, we can easily find ourselves slipping into depression. I know that is not how our loved ones would want us to live. They want to be looking down on us laughing, smiling, joking, remembering them. Honoring their lives by living ours with absolute joy.
It is hard to look beyond the present after losing someone. All you want to do is go back. Back to a time where you were hugging, laughing with and talking to this person. Back to a time when life was much less bittersweet. You have to find the joy in the deepest valley. Whether it's a smile from a stranger, or a hug from your little one. Find that joy so that you don't have to be numb anymore. Let that joy be little reminders of your loved one and of all the joy you had with them. You will be pleasantly surprised at how the sweetness of your life will be redefined. Suddenly, the sink full of dishes is full tummies. The fighting between your kids is character building. The laundry piling up is clothed bodies. The whiny baby is a sweet hum in your ears. The dirty floors are treasured footprints. The craft supplies scattered on the table with the hum of Justin Bieber is a joyful baby girl. I am thankful for these reminders that I have the sweetest life. I will continue to seek joy to honor those gone before me.

School Time

My kids thrive on routine. The summers are fun, chaotic, messy and so tiring. Full of trips to grandma's and play dates with friends. I love being able to enjoy the summer at home with all of my kids (can't say just "girls" anymore!). Everything from the lazy morning cartoons, to the giggles that fill our home, to the picnic lunches. I appreciate the fact that I can stay home and not miss anything.
That being said, I so appreciate the routine that school brings. I can tell that my girls were starting to miss some sort of routine. (I can say "girls", because Drakey didn't care one way or the other!) They seem more calm and easy going. Not saying that it's been easy. We've all been struggling to peel ourselves out of bed in the morning! And to catch the bus instead of sit and watch cartoons on the couch! And to put the toys away and get to bed at the end of the day! 
Even though I fiercely miss my girls throughout the school day, I've come to realize something. Not only do public schools need Christian students in them to be an example and a source of kindness and respect, but also, they need Christian moms in the school system. Helping out, sending notes of encouragement and treats to make them feel like they are doing a great job- despite the naughty notes home or the rough day/week/month they have had with so-and-so. Those teachers and the staff need to know that they are appreciated. And that I am on their side too. I love being a stay at home mom to school aged kids. I may not have a degree or be working outside of the home, but I hope that I am making a difference for my girls' teachers. They are such a blessing. I pray that their spoonful of sugar overflows just as much as mine does!