College Isn't For Everyone, Kids

I have a terrible memory. I've probably shared that before, but I don't remember. There are certain situations or conversations that stick out to me from my past because they have been life altering for me. This situation is one of them...

I vividly remember standing there, as a nearly graduated-early senior, talking to a teacher about my future plans. Mind you, I just had a baby within the same month I graduated early. My grades were above average. I was adjusting to a new normal. A new life of being a mom, at age 18. "Future plans" involved coming up with a way to get more sleep... Not getting mastitis again... And figuring out what part my baby's daddy was going to play in this elusive future. I just had a baby. She was weeks old. She was my world. She was my future. I remember telling this teacher a little of that and he looked stunned. "...you mean, you're not thinking about college??"

I would be lying if I said I wasn't offended by this conversation. As if my life was over without going to college. As if making it through high school wasn't an accomplishment. As if being a mother was petty and not setting my standards high enough.

Yes, I get it. College is "the holy grail", the reason for doing well in high school, the springboard for your future. At least, that's what everyone seems to think. College is really put on a pedestal. Now, don't get me wrong, my dear husband went to college, got his masters' in 5 years and has a successful job that he loves. But, that's not how it goes for everyone... I have several friends that went to college because "that's what you do". That's how you make your family proud. They picked a major because the classes worked with their schedule and it seemed like a legit way to make money someday. But that's not their reality now. They spent thousands of dollars, most STILL paying off that debt, to get a degree for a job they will never find. Some even returned to school to get a different, more practical degree.

It has taken me years and much love and encouragement from my husband to say this: My greatest accomplishment in this life is being a mom. Take that, former high school teacher. College truly is not for everyone. Motherhood is not for everyone. But it is for me. I don't need a piece of paper from a university to validate my worth. I find more glory, more pride, more refinement, more "life-experience" in being a mother than I could have ever expected a university to give me. And while, yes, it may cost even more than getting a degree, I love that my "job" every single day is to pour out love to these babies of mine. To teach them. To keep them safe. To give them opportunities. To tell them things like "College isn't for everyone, kids." I want them to know that success isn't defined by grades, scores and passing or failing a class. Success comes in so many different forms. I want to show them that fulfillment doesn't come from books and other people, but that it comes from knowing God and following His plan for your life-- whatever that may be.

If I were to see this teacher now, I would beam with pride at all that I have accomplished. I would proudly tell him that I did not go to college. And that I am working on my "4th masters' degree" as a mom. I love what I do and I would tell my 18 year old self... "Your future is even better than you can imagine."

Summer 2015 Recap

Today was the first day of school! I love looking back at our summer and all of the fun that filled it! We try to make the most of our summers, but this one especially, as the arrival of Baby Girl this fall will change how our summer looks next year.

june

June was filled with getting adjusted to summer and soaking up all the time off! We started summer with finishing up soccer and competing in a fishing competition near Grandpa and Grandma's. The girls have done this annually and this year, Drake had fun catching and actually TOUCHING a fish! I am not a big fan of fishing, but I got excited because they were excited.

I am thankful that I got to enjoy a weekend away with my City Moms Blog midwest sisters! I loved connecting and reconnecting with these mamas. Our national conference takes place the first weekend in October, and as you can guess, I will be too pregnant to make the trek. So this little Midwest Meetup was the perfect thing to tide me over until next year. These ladies, though they may live far away, have impacted and inspired me more than words can say. I am blessed to know them and be known by them.
Lili enjoyed many evenings taking classes at the local gymnastics studio. It was her first time really getting involved and she has LOVED it!! I think this is something we will definitely be a part of as long as she wants to. It's great exercise and confidence booster!
The girls got to go to Nana and Bapa's for a week while Drake and I soaked up the sun and time with friends here. We explored a local national park and had some fun in the water!
June 2015 will always be engraved in my memories, but mostly because this is the month that we

discovered we would be welcoming another baby GIRL into the family this fall. I can vividly remember the technician focusing in on it and saying, "Do YOU know what it is?" With happy tears in my eyes, I responded, "That's a girl!" We've been buying pink ever since!

july

Our summer holiday weekend was spent with Grandma and Grandpa. We had fun shooting off fireworks, playing kickball with cousins, and just enjoying time with family. I loved seeing Drakey get so excited about things that he probably doesn't remember from years past.
July got a little more complicated and messy when one morning, Drake stood beside my bed at 6:40 a.m. and said, "I wanna wear big boy undies!" as he handed me a pair of Paw Patrol undies. I vowed from the beginning that I would follow his lead with potty training and I don't think he could have been anymore clear that he was ready! I was nervous, but said a prayer and said goodbye to the diapers and we have not looked back! Day 1: We were just getting used to the idea of pausing to go pee. He had about 7 or 8 accidents but we kept at it and just tried to remind him every 40 minutes.

Day 2: We decided to go see a movie. I know you think I'm crazy, and I would have never done this with the girls. But this time around just felt different. It was his idea to potty train and I thought- why not? He did great at the theaters. Only having accidents after getting to the bathroom. Just a few seconds too late! Day 3: I think this is the day he really got it. I don't remember being overwhelmed with wet undies. He was still struggling to go #2 in the potty, and would not master this for a few more weeks, but I was just so proud of him for telling me when he had to pee that the poo thing was an after thought! Drake has done a great job and still has days where he dribbles or stops himself but needs new undies, but we haven't bought diapers since June. At first, he wore diapers for naps and bedtimes for a few days, then I noticed he was waking up dry. So after a week of potty training, we went cold turkey. I am so proud of him!

Towards the end of July, we developed a plan to have Cousin Week at Nana and Bapa's. And somehow, it worked out that Drake would stay at their house for one night with Cadee and Lili, and without mommy or daddy. Dathan and I took FULL advantage of the opportunity and had a nice, quiet 20 hours together which included a date night with friends and plenty of sleep! Drake did so well and we cannot wait to make this a regular thing.
Cousin Week was a BLAST! I'm sure the kids would agree that this needs to be an annual thing. We had fun with water: pools, beaches, water balloons and more! We watched movies, at home and in the theater. We played games and colored. And we also enjoyed the local museum, the candy shop and much more! The silliness in the house reached a record high with 6 kids, 2 aunts and one set of grandparents under one roof. We had plenty of giggle fits, inside jokes and cousin bonding during our week. I can't wait to do it again with Baby Girl in tow!

august

This month has been the most laid back of them all. Grandma came for a visit and babysat while we had a date night for our 9TH Anniversary, then Auntie Sares came for the hottest weekend of the summer and then Nana came to stay and soak up our last days of summer! We loved attending the state fair on the coolest day of the week (60s in August!). We have finished back-to-school shopping, reconnected with neighborhood friends and met our teachers on Friday. School started today, and I think even Cadee was ready for it. Drake will be lonely and miss his sissies, but October will come quickly, and with it, much more excitement!

Soccer Monster

Nervously hugging her Teddy on the
way to her first game.

"I am a soccer monster, I love a soccer ball.
I'd rather play soccer than do anything at all.
You can be the kicker, I will be the blocker
Doesn't really matter, as long as we play SOCCER!"

This is a beloved Backyardigans song. Aunt Sares instilled the love of the Backyardigans in Cadee nearly 8 years ago. Cadence LOVED to watch them and sing along (And she and Lili still have Backyardigan marathons once in awhile). She would go through phases of what her favorite episodes were, and this particular episode fits her life so perfectly right now.
We have our FIRST kid in their FIRST sport! Cadee has chosen to be a soccer monster! She has been practicing at home and has had team practices for about a few weeks now. Last Saturday (Sept. 7) was her VERY first game! She was timid, she had a nervous tummy, she wasn't sure what to eat before the game, she was projecting her nervousness onto me by being snappy and cranky...but the entire time she was with her team and on the field, she had a big ol' grin on her face (Except when I caught her attention yelling, "Cadee! Go get the ball, girl!" She didn't appreciate that very much..)!

My Little Soccer Monster

It was the highlight of my week watching her play, and I hope it will be for many many Saturdays to come. I had a vivid view of the future, a premonition if you will, the moment before we left for the game. I saw a high school girl sitting in front of me, hair all done up, soccer gear on, grabbing her ball and heading out the door to practice. It was a quick glimpse at what may come.
My Little Soccer Monster, you make me so proud! I am excited to cheer you on in whatever the future may hold for you. 

Date Day with my Peanut

Today, I did something that I hadn't done in a long loooong time. I took my daughter on a date! She didn't go to school this morning due to an orthodontist appointment (yes, ORTHODONTIST! Aaa!!). We were able to extend our time together this morning and have a date. It was so nice to hear her giggle, see her silliness first-hand and listen to her go on and on about how great her day was this evening. My little peanut is growing up so fast. I cannot believe she is 8 years old. I loved being able to sit and chat with her over lunch and talk about school. About her friends. About what she likes to do and eat. About her having her own room again. About everything Cadee. 
See, no one tells you about the bittersweetness of motherhood. And even if someone had tried, you have to experience it yourself to truly understand. About how I'd give anything to freeze time right now, but also, I love seeing the little woman she is becoming, and I am anxious to see the grown woman she will become. It is so important to me to live each moment IN the moment. Because, yes, I would love to go back to the tiny cuddly 2 year old days, but I absolutely adore taking my big girl to lunch and chatting about life. 

Precious time with my little girl

A girl after my own heart! She chose
Chick-Fil-A for our lunch date.

My Cadee Grace

My Cadee Grace is tall for her age. She is healthy. She has more adult teeth than any other second grader I know. Her beautiful bright blue eyes change color with her mood. Light, bright blue means she is happier then when they are darker blue. My Cadee Grace is the definition of sunshine. She can light up a room with her giggles and smiles. Cadee is the girl on the playground that everyone knows, and not only knows, but genuinely likes. She is a great big sister. She loves and protects Drake and Liliana. And will do almost anything to see them smile. She is the fun one. The protector. The sweet one. The helpful one. The defender. The confident one. The motherly one. If there is a problem, she finds a solution. (Unless it's with her sister.) If someone is hurt, she fetches them a bandaid. If someone is upset, she makes them laugh or gives them a hug. She is everything sweet. Not only does her personality define her, but also her knowledge. She is logical, bright and inquisitive. She understands things and when she doesn't, she asks questions until she does. And then some. A friend described her to me as a strong girl, whom she was very impressed with how kind and respectful she is.
My hope for my Cadee Grace is that she would always be on the lookout for her next adventure! I knew from the day that she was born that this little one would keep me moving forward. Not looking back at what I could have done differently. She keeps me on my toes with her questions and comebacks. She keeps me smiling with her infectious giggle. She keeps my heart full with her desire to make me feel loved and wanted. She is our first daughter, our pride and joy, and our forever sunshine. 
Here's to you, my little peanut. Happy 8th birthday. 


I love you more than there are stars in the sky.
I love you more than the ocean is wide.
I love you right down to the depths of my soul.
I love you much more than you'll ever know.  

What DO You Do All Day?

Cadee was "Camper of the Week" this week. Which means she gets to share things about herself, she took an estimation jar to school (she chose cotton balls to stuff into hers and all of her classmates have to estimate how many are in there. At the end of the week, they will see who was the closest), she will read her favorite book to the class, share a letter written to her by a loved one, and bring treats on Friday! Today, I brought her Chick Fil A for lunch and got to sit down with her and two of her friends. Cadee picks good friends. Sweet, kind, respectful friends. Boy, girls, doesn't matter to her. She picks them based on their sense of humor and if they are nice, not naughty.
As we were sitting there having lunch, her friend, M, was chatting with me, Cadee and Drake. M looks at me and says- so what DO you do all day?
I was totally caught off guard! I felt a little defensive. But then I realized, it's just a 7 year old girl wondering what I do with my day since I don't work. See, her parents are divorced and both work outside the home. As I was thinking through my response, I felt a little bit of heartache for M. I wish she could know the routine and comfort of a stay at home mom, and of a family that is still together. I know that her parents do a great job at making her feel loved. I can tell. I also know that I grew up with a stay at home mom. And it was awesome. I didn't have a CLUE what she did while my sister and I were at school all day long. I figured she napped, did puzzles, watched TV, chatted with her friends...(boy, was I wrong!) I really didn't care! All I knew was that if I needed her at a school event, she was there. If I felt sick and the nurse had to call her, she was always there. If there was an early out, I didn't have to worry about where I would go. My mom was waiting for me at home. I know today that it is rare to have a stay at home mom. And I respect that not every family can make it work. I thank God everyday for letting me have my dream job!
To answer M's question, I smiled at her and said, "Well, it's pretty awesome. I get to hang out with Drake all day and come help at school." She grinned.
It has been 6 years since I have officially become a stay at home mom. I STILL struggle with validation. That I'm doing the right thing, that it's ok that I'm not bringing in any money, that I balance housework and my children well. I know, without a doubt, that this is where I'm supposed to be. (Plopped on the couch, blogging about my life...well, ok, not literally.) I love my life. I love that I can be the one to pick up my son when he cries or when he wakes up. I love that I change nearly every diaper. I love that when my children forget their backpacks after National Walk to School day, I can take them to them at school. I love that I can bring my big girl a special lunch and sit and chat with her and her friends. I love being there when Lili comes charging at me for the biggest hug of my life after school. I love being able to get things around the house done during the day so that I can soak up every second with my family at night. I have the sweetest life.

Cadee McArgue-butt

Sweet, loving little Cadee Grace is so much like her father, it kills me. She is the most logical, argumentative, rationalizing, persistent child on the face of the planet. Of this, I am convinced. Not saying that this doesn't come in handy at times. Like when a fight is happening between her and her sister, she is very easy to talk to and explain why it is not ok to do that or to say that. (Unlike Lili, who would rather get physical or just pout and cry. There is NO reasoning with that girl!) Cadee just *gets* things. HOWEVER, if she gets an idea in her head, you will not change or mold that idea. You must give her the top 28 reasons why your idea is better than hers, and then she will consider the options. (JUST LIKE HER FATHER.) I do appreciate this about her. I think it will help her very much in years to come (I know my Hubby turned out very well). However, disobedience is "not doing as you are told". And she hardly ever does as she is told until the 4th or 5th time of being asked. And even then, 80% of the time, it is met with an argument. So, her daddy and I came up with a solution.
Cadee loves playing outside with all of the neighbor kids! When it is nice out, I barely see her in the afternoons. Unless it's for the 2 minutes it takes her to potty-dance down the hallway to the bathroom. And that is totally fine! I love that she has friends and is having fun outside! However, I do believe that these "older kids" (2nd and 5th graders) do influence her attitude. The grumbling when asked to do something, the not listening, the attitude when it isn't what she had in mind. So, for everytime she argues with me to do something, to get something or to go somewhere, she loses 5 minutes of outside play. Meaning, when she steps off the bus, or this summer, when she asks to go outside, she will be going to my bed or hers for 5 minutes. Now, this can certainly add up! Depending on how far she wants to push it...
Yesterday morning, I explained to her what her punishment would be. I made sure she understood it through and through. And then I spent the rest of the day pointing out things that would warrant said punishment. "Cadee, will you please put your shoes away?" "Ughhhhhh... M-ahhh-m. Do I have to right now?" "There. That's an example of grumbling instead of obeying." *lightbulb*
Today, this is in full effect. And she has not grumbled once when asked to do something. She has not argued with me (YET) when asked to get ready for school. IN FACT! She woke up and got dressed, brushed her hair and was all ready for school- all on her own- with an hour to spare to watch cartoons. It was AMAZING!!! And I hope it continues!
We are not amazing parents, by any means! But, we feel that this was worth sharing. We had to find a punishment suitable for the "crime". And I think this works in our favor 2 ways- it takes something that she loves and shows her that she can lose it by the way she acts. And, I think she learns some of this attitude and grumbling from the neighbor kids, so this gets her away from them and makes her think about it more when she's with them (hopefully). I don't like doting on myself, but my mom told me I should post this on my blog. And- You don't argue with Mom! 

To the Dentist!

A couple weeks ago, we took Miss Cadee to the orthodontist. We knew a long time ago that this little girl would eventually need braces. He took a look and said she needed 4 teeth pulled and he would see her back in 6 months. Easy for HIM to say!!! 

Her mouth is just too small for all of those big adult teeth trying to wedge their way in there. So to make it more comfortable... The dentist pulled 4 baby teeth to make room for the adult teeth. 

She was so brave!! They gassed her to make her feel a little funny and out of it. Then they numbed the gums with some pink looking gel, and stuck it with a local anesthetic (the worst part). And yanked them out!
She was pretty loopy from the gas and kept trying to talk with her hands that she said felt really heavy too. I wish I would have video taped her! Afterwards, we took her to DQ for some chocolate ice cream! Everything went well, and hopefully her mouth won't hurt anymore. 

Teen Mom

No, this post is not about that show on MTV. Although, I must say that I have watched that show and my heart hurts for those girls. They are just so lost and have no identity, it seems. And I am so, so glad that I was grounded enough to realize what I needed to do and had the perfect people around me to support me and help me be the best teen mom I could be. 

Hubby and I on Cadee Grace's birth day 12/1/04

Senior Prom- April 2005

What being a teen mom taught me...

Being a teen mom taught me, first and foremost, that there are absolutely consequences for every action. Good or bad. Is Cadence a consequence? Yes, but I feel like she is a good one. Some of the ugly consequences were... damaging relationships. Between me and my family, me and my now in-laws, me and some of my friends who may have looked to me for advice. I still see the effects of this today. And it still breaks my heart.
Another consequence would be that I missed out on SO much of being a teenager. While everyone else enjoyed their senior prom and after prom party, I was sore from not feeding my baby and I wondered how she was every second of that night. It was hard for me to be the care-free teenager when I had so many other things to think about.
Having a baby at the age of 18 definitely changed Hubby and I's relationship. It made us both step back and go- whoa. We have to grow up. And NOW. And we need to decide quickly if we want to do it together or make it work separately. Thank God that I was dating a man that suffers from extreme loyalty. And he was all in with Cadence from day 1. (How could he not be? She melts everyone's heart! Still does!!)
Those are just a FEW consequences! I won't go into the toll it took on my body, my (lack thereof) checkbook and all the trust that I spent 18 hard years of earning from my parents!

Baby Cadence and I

Being a teen mom taught me unconditional love at it's finest. Unconditional love from my Heavenly Father, my family, and from me to my baby girl. From the second she was born, I felt an unbelievably strong pull to this baby. And I knew I would do everything I could to make her life perfect. To make sure she new her daddy and paternal grandparents. To make sure that she felt loved at all times, no matter what. And to make sure that she understood that she is not a mistake. She is a blessing.

Nana and girls

Being a teen mom gave me a huge appreciation for MY mom! No, she was not a teen mom, but I was at that time in my life where I didn't think I needed her. And having a baby erased that feeling completely!! Not only did I need her support (emotionally and physically) and help with Cadee, but I also needed her wisdom. She LITERALLY taught me everything I know about taking care of a baby. I would not be a good mother without her presence in my life. And this still rings true. I appreciate her everytime one of the girls pitches a fit at the store, or sasses off, or changes their outfit for the third time that day or refuses to eat the dinner I made. I text my mom and I say- "thank you so much for doing all of my ridiculous laundry" or "I am sorry for the times I acted like this". 

Being a teen mom taught me that there is so much more to this life than high school. It's very easy to get caught up in the attitude of a teenager and what I wanted for MY life. But from the second I found out I was pregnant with Cadee Grace, it snapped me out of that mindset and into thoughts of- what can I do for HER? I no longer cared about what people said or thought of me (if I did, it would have ruined me entirely). My true friends are now my kids' Uncles and Aunts. They are that dear to me for sticking through it with me and being there for me for every single second. (I love telling Cadee about the slumber parties she used to be at with me and my two best friends.) And, the members of my family (immediate, in laws and my parents and siblings) are what matter most to me. Because at the end of the day, they are always going to be there for me.

Cadence Grace

Being a teen mom was HARD. It still is! I may not be a teen mom now, but I am a 25 year old raising a 7 year old! That has challenges all it's own! Not to mention, when Cadee was little, I was focused more on being her friend and companion instead of her mom. That's why she acts just like me. (Poor thing.) I am still a pushover when it comes to her. But in all sincerity. that little girl is the reason I have everything I have. My husband, my Lili, my baby boy, my relationship with my mom, dad and sister now and some of the BEST mom friends that a girl could ask for. Who knows which path my life would have taken without her! She put a RUSH on everything I had planned for my life. Yes, it's hard. But, man! What a blessing in disguise.
My song for Cadence is "Unanswered Prayers" by Garth Brooks. I cannot tell you how many times I prayed NOT to be pregnant. As awful as that sounds, I was scared out of my mind! Once I found out, my prayer changed, of course. And to this day, I am still thankful that God's plan was bigger for my life. I missed out on college, yes. But I can always go back. And Hubby reminds me quite often that he is glad I didn't spend a ton of money to go to college if my true passion was staying home and taking care of my family. I'm still earning my degree for that!
This is MY story. I don't encourage others to try it. I know how incredibly blessed I am to have my family. They are my spoonful of sugar. They make everything sweeter. Are there times I want to send everyone to bed and lock myself in my room? Maybe. But would I trade my life for anything? No. Most days are full of giggles, playing babies, pirates or Sorry, butt hugs, belly kisses, Lili logic, sweet good morning lovies, and plenty of snuggles. I couldn't imagine a sweeter life. Even if it was rushed.

Lili, Hubby and Cadee